Second Year....

Sheri wrote this 11 months into our journey without you...now we are into our second year which everyone told me would be easier....how could anyone know our heart...or know how we would take your loss. I feel like I am starting my journey now as I put your beloved "TINA" down last week....I held her as she slipped away so peacefully...in 30 seconds she was gone..I couldn't help but think I would like to slip into eternity like that. Now I am ALONE...nothing to greet me when I come home...I know life will be easier now but another dimension of lonely.
I long to talk to you and I have so many questions I would ask you....why don't we communicate ....why does life get so busy that we forget to do the really important? So many people loved you and for 30 years I shared you w/so many..you were so respected and God gave you so much insight to help people find the real purpose of life. You knew how to rise above difficult circumstances and trials were opportunities to see God at work.
You were my "Cheerleader" and I miss that so much...The longer I travel this journey I am becoming more and more aware that it is a couple's world and my identity is different now.

A Difficult Week

Here I am facing another first! Our 51st Wedding Anniversary was last Saturday. Quite a change from last years celebration I was alone...I guess I could have made an effort to be with someone but I did not have the energy! I made a Valentine wreath for my honey's grave and drove out there only to find his stone almost covered with snow....the Christmas wreath I had put on was hardly visible so I drove home to get a shovel.....I returned to find the snow hard and chunky...I chopped the layers away and made a path to the stone, cleared it and placed the pretty new wreath on...tying it tight around the vase as the wind howled around me. When I chose the spot I only thought of how much he loved the water and did not think about the cold winter wind blowing across the lake.
Over the years I saved the cards that Rich gave me...they are all in a large photo box so I am comforted by them now...he always picked the most romantic cards and ALWAYS added his own sweet sentiment! Iknow now why I saved them...I can hear his sweet words and visualize his eyes tearing up as I would read them.
People tell me I am soooooo blessed to have such a wonderful love to look back on and should be soo thankful...should that make me miss him less or make me stronger? 54 of my 67 years were spent with him, and I can't put a time table on this pain......
I know my Lord is there...all the promises are in my head...I am in the word...I read his truth, and I pray like crazy! Will I serve the Lord again...YES....will I write his book..YES!
Whoever reads this I ask you to be patient with me.....and please pray for me....knowing people are standing in the gap for me means so much. I am so thankful for the support and love I have been given......I know my God will fulfill His purpose in Me!!

Over coat...

For some reason, I was thinking about Dad today in his tan overcoat. He had a way of standing with it on, kind of upright and straight. Good posture. Then, he'd tie his belt, or was it a buckle? After that, he'd reach both hands into his pockets at the same time, take out his leather gloves, slap them together and then put them on. Next, he'd say something positive about what we were about to go and do with his eyes lit up and enthusiasm all over the place. If we were headed to church, he'd ask me if I had my Bible. Didn't matter if I was married, with kids. He was big on that one. I carry one all the time now for fear that he's going to pop out somewhere and ask me where my Bible is. Come on, Dad...I double dog dare you!!!

Dad..

Dear Dad...
I'm missing you tonight. I miss you 24/7, but tonight I would love to just hear your voice. It's hard to believe that I won't be able to talk to you again this side of heaven. I'm overwhelmed with lots of little things..and okay, some big things too. You knew just how to get me talking, asking me questions, and then youd' give some simple, wise feedback. And you'd always end our phone conversations with praying. And something like..."Its' a privilege to be able to talk to my daughter like this. How many dads get to talk to their daughters like this? Not many". And then you'd choke up and tell me how much you loved me. You couldn't have loved me any more. Thanks for that. I carry that with me even now that you're gone. It's true, I'll always be your little girl.
Love,
Lynnie
xoxoxo
p.s. Give Gracie a kiss for me.

Just chatting....

There..I love this picture. He's relaxed and he's ready to listen, drink some coffee, and give you his undivided attention and positive outlook on whatever the challenge was.

                                 I always loved it when he read the christmas story. 

Bapa

It was always so fun to watch Bapa while I was growing up. I always knew that I could count on him when I needed someone to talk to.  He made everyday special.  He was always able to put forth that extra effort that would make everything unique.  Even when hard times came his way he was always smiling.  If I ever wanted to know how to handle a situation I always knew I could ask him.  He left me with many great memories. 

A New Year

It is hard to believe we are starting a new year...dad and I used to pray at the beginning of a new year that whatever the Lord would bring our way in the months to come that we would glorify him...last year we had our greatest test...this new years as I was alone thinking of all the past years of raising children...all the job changes and moves....all the medical scares, and remembering all the times I prayed for dad's health and all the times God healed him and gave us more time together...never in a million years did I ever think cancer would be what would take him.
I have been reading a book on prayer and found my honey in the pages..it talked about those we meet who have childlike faith...that no matter what happens to them they never shrink back, they run and don't grow weary and they trust God no matter what happens. I would get so discouraged at the thought of losing him and he always sensed when I was down and he would encourage me and tell me what we had to be thankful for and remind me all I had gone through and my God would take care of me! Like you Sheri I long to hear his voice sometimes and I am so thankful for all the dvds I have.....most of all I miss his hugs and his praying with me.
This site is a comfort to me ....I am so thankful you loved your dad so much, Love Mom

Invitation...

I had this idea while I was cleaning today. I've had this desire to call Dad for the last two days. Thankfully, I can still hear his voice in my head. I prayed today that I would never lose that. And, thankfully to modern technology, we still have ways of hearing his voice. I know that everyone grieves differently, and this may not be for you. That's okay. I like to write, and have found it healing. So, whether you want to write or read, or nothing at all, that's okay. There is no right or wrong in this whole grief thing.

This is just an invitation to write about Dad, things you remember, whatever you want. It may be one way to keep us connected through this very difficult time. I've sent out an invitation to all those I had emails for. I have enabled you by your email address to post. You may have to join blogspot and gather your own password. Let me know if there's anyone else who would like to be able to post. Everyone is welcome. Just send me an email at zcoffeegirl@gmail.com.

I love you all.

Sher